


The Secret

by ohpleaselarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Actor Louis, Anal Sex, Bottom Louis, Daddy Kink, Dom!Harry, F/M, Famous Harry, Famous Louis, Fingering, Male to Female, Power Bottom Louis, Rich Harry, Rich Louis, Singer Harry, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Stubborn Louis, Sub!Louis, Top Harry, Trans!Louis, Transgender Louis, Uni AU, a bit - Freeform, biting kink, its back and forth, just kinks in general lol, just read it, nipple kink a little, with some parts remaining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-11-30 07:30:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11458923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohpleaselarry/pseuds/ohpleaselarry
Summary: "When he walks in, there's an immediate change. Everyone's bodies seem to move towards the door, even if just to dance facing it. People start to sweat more. They get more desperate. More drunk. More slutty. Louis has never seen him before, though her first thought is...who the hell wears a suit to a party?"OrLouis is trans. Harry is rich. They not only fall in love, but they also fall into many more problems. And yet, it's Harry and Louis. They will always make it through.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not gonna do a rec on my tumblr or anything and see if it does as good as my normal fics. If y'all wanna rec it pls do.

The party is nothing but sweat and alcohol. Louis used to be huge on parties, but lately it's been getting sort of childish. She goes anyways, usually to make Niall feel better, even though the boy splits off not even two minutes after they arrive. Every time. Louis is left to sit at a random frat boy's counter, waving off boys who won't leave her alone.  
It's boring. It's all the same. It's a nothing special party with drunk frat boys who suck. Blah blah. But, When he walks in, there's an immediate change. Everyone's bodies seem to move towards the door, even if just to dance facing it. People start to sweat more. They get more desperate. More drunk. More slutty. Louis has never seen him before, though her first thought is...who the hell wears a suit to a party?  
She looks at him over the lip of her solo cup, watching as girls try to dance with him. He just grins and walks through the mass of bodies and to another guy. Liam? Or something. Louis doesn't remember. She watches the boy take off his overcoat, left in just the white button up and slacks. He's very tall and lean. She finds herself licking her lips.  
She looks away, takes a sip, then looks back, finding green eyes staring right back. Liam is saying something, though it's obvious that the boy isn't listening. He gives Louis a once over, then smirks. It's cocky. Louis swings her feet from her perch on the counter and raises an eyebrow, never one to back down from a stare down. The boy grins, and it's surprisingly goofy, with dimples. It's contagious, and then Louis is smiling as well. She didn't expect goofy to come with his mysterious way from before.  
She looks away and doesn't look back, instead leans back on one arm so her breasts are more on show, and she takes more sips of her drink, tilting her head just so the light hits her nicely. She's an expert in getting a boy's attention when she wants it. She knows what they like, of course.  
It only takes a minute. Less, actually. About 40 seconds.  
He puts his hands on the counter on either side of her legs, caging her in a bit. It's kind of hot.  
He looks at her, and she looks right back.  
"I know your secret." He says, voice more raspy than Louis expected.  
"And what's that?" She asks, leaning forward so they are closer. 6 inches, she reckons.  
"You come here and get plenty of male attention, and you don't hold back, and yet you never bring anyone home."  
"How would you know that?" Louis asks, smirking. She likes a smart one. Brainy is the new sexy, after all.  
"I know when someone wants it. And you want it." Then his hand is on her leg, trailing up quite close to the hem of her skirt. Goose pimples follow his hand, even though it isn't cold.  
"What makes you think I won't bring someone home?"  
"You don't want them to know your secret, but it only takes a pair of observant eyes to see the obvious." Louis gasps when suddenly the boy's pulling her forward by her hips, so then Louis' crotch is most definitely rubbing against the boy's torso. There's no going back. The boy's eyes are dark, and he's smirking. He knows.  
"What do you want..." Louis murmurs, quieting down, though she knows people are too drunk to hear.  
"You." The boy says, fingers skating up under her skirt and onto her dick, petting her oh so gently. It's so dirty, especially since they are surrounded by people.  
"I've kept this very hidden. Nobody knows."  
"Of course. I don't want to tell. I just want you. You want me too, right?" His fingers stop, thankfully, and Louis tries to compose herself. Even tucked, it's quite hard to hide a boner through a thin pair of knickers and a skirt. She sets her drink down and pulls the boy's hand from her skirt.  
"Is this your thing? Transgender girls? Are you a closeted gay or something?" Louis' voice is nearly a whisper, she's paranoid someone's listening.  
The boy smiles.  
"No. I just saw a pretty girl and I want you. I don't mind what's in your pants. It's all beauty to me."  
"You're fucking weird." Louis says, and the boy nods, looking at her lips.  
"I've been told. Though I see nothing wrong with this. Can't you tell I want you?" He presses closer, and Louis takes the hint, sneaking a hand between them and pressing at the boy's hard on. He hums, leaning forward to press a kiss to where her neck meets her shoulder.  
"You're spoiled. The suit, the confidence. You're used to getting everything you want." Louis says, and the boy pulls back to look her in the eyes. They are so close. He smells like the ocean.  
"I've worked for it." He simply says, and Louis leans back, looking him up and down. Rolex on the wrist, hair neatly done, very hygienic. Very clean. He's got money, definitely.  
Then she leans forward and kisses him, and the boy responds right away, pulling her close with a hand on her back, other hand at her cheek. He's a wonderful kisser, gentle but passionate. What is even happening right now? Louis can hardly think straight, then the boy is pulling her off the counter, lips separating. Louis can only vaguely see girls watching on with envy as the boy leads her upstairs, then she's being pressed onto a bed, all gentle. He holds himself up above her, and kisses her neck.  
"This okay?" He stops to whisper, and Louis can't say anything but yes, mind a blur. Then he's rocking against her, and her gasp breaks into a moan, and she's just got to suck him off. So she does.  
She pats at his chest until he rolls over. Louis has no idea who's room they're in, but she hardly gives it a thought before she's yanking down his slacks and pants. She's not disappointed, definitely. She doesn't hesitate, and he makes the hottest sound when she goes down on him, using all her best tricks. She wants to pleasure him. Get him excited. And it's definitely working. He's gripping the bed sheets tightly and he's either never gotten a blowjob before, or Louis is doing a fantastic job.  
"S-shit-shit-oh, holy shit-" is all the boy can say, watching her with wild eyes. She takes him deep as she can, then it's off with a pop. Crawling over him, he's so busy trying to catch his breath that he can't complain about not finishing.  
"Looks like you can't get everything you want." She says, and then she's standing and heading for the door, nearly all put together besides feeling like her crotch is about to burst.  
"W-wait!" He jumps up after her, catches her wrist before she can leave, pants still at his ankles.  
"Why--"  
"You're spoiled. You get everything you want. I don't dig it." She says with a shrug, and he looks proper flustered and a lot less confident. Louis can't get enough of it. It's an epic win. She just smirks and leaves out the door, starting down the hall.  
"I don't even know your name!" He calls after her, and she just winks and turns the corner. 

 

She'd be lying if she said she forgot about it. In fact, she can't stop thinking about it. His green eyes, his moans. His dick. The way he looked at her. She's woken up far too many times in just a week with spoiled sheets. It's getting too much.  
She's nearly (nearly) forgotten about him, and then it's back to square one.  
She's in the library, wearing her sleep shorts and a hoodie, her hair a mess, glasses perched on her nose, and she's trying to find a stupid Edgar Allen Poe book of poems for her project. She smells him before she sees him. The ocean. It's definitely that cool breeze smell. She loves it. Though today, stressed and tired, she's feeling a lot less sexy and confident as she was last time. She pretends he isn't there. She tries not to blush as he stands nearly flush to her back, watching her look at the books. She pulls one off the shelf without looking at the title just for something to do with her hands. She starts to flip through it.  
"Interesting. I didn't know Hamlet was written by Edgar Allen Poe." His voice is a whisper, of course, they are in a library. Louis gulps.  
"What makes you think my project isn't on Shakespeare?" She whispers back, then he's standing against her, hands on her hips. She tilts her neck when she feels his lips at her jawline. He brushes his lips there, and Louis feels warmth all over her body.  
"Balance of probability. I know you have a class with Scoble, and I know you have a love for the darker side of things--"  
"You're lying." Louis interrupts.  
"You're right. I passed your table and peeked at your notes." He says, breath warm on Louis' neck. She chuckles, and he does as well, and then they are swaying, like a dance. She's still holding the book open like an idiot.  
"You look very cute today. I love it." He says, very straightforward, then his hands are sliding into her hoodie pocket. It's very warm. Like a hug. Louis is far too stressed and tired to protest. She sets the book back down and puts her hands in the pocket as well. Their hands tangle together, fitting nicely. It's quite romantic. Louis doesn't even know what's happening anymore.  
"I'm wearing a hoodie from middle school that's still too big on me, and my eyes are so red and puffy from my contacts that I had to wear my glasses. I also haven't showered since yesterday morning."  
The boy hums, still swaying. Louis is so tired she may just fall asleep.  
"Want to come nap in my bed? I think we could both use one." He says, and Louis' knees feel weak. Who just asks that?  
"If I say yes it's only because I'm so tired. Not because you can get anything you want."  
He chuckles and then she's cold. He spins her around, and she finds that he's just as hot as before, still wearing dressy clothes. Is he a secret agent or something? She's very tired. He pulls her by the hand to her table and packs up her things, carrying her bag for her. Surprisingly, they don't head for the dorms, and instead walk to the parking lot, where he stops at at the nicest car Louis has seen ever. He presses a button and opens Louis door for her.  
"What the fuck? How can you afford this? What is it?"  
"It's a Tesla. It's electric." He says, and Louis squints at him.  
"Do you...go to this school?"  
The boy rolls his eyes with a smile.  
"Course I do. C'mon, get in." Louis gets in, though she's getting that low-key murder kind of feel. Oh well, at least if she gets murdered she won't have to finish that project. While the boy is walking around the car, Louis is quick to grab for the glove compartment.  
The boy gets in next to her, and raises an eyebrow.  
"Is that my insurance?"  
"Sure is, Harry E. Styles." 

 

When she wakes up, it's to white sheets, a sunrise, and probably the nicest torso she's ever seen.  
She sits up and thanks her lucky stars that it's Saturday and she's not missing a class. Though she definitely didn't mean for her small nap to turn into a sleepover. All they did was get to Harry's super nice apartment and fall asleep. She doesn't even get to sit up before Harry's suddenly got her pinned, and then he's kissing her.  
"Mmm, morning breath." She complains between kisses.  
"Don't care." He murmurs back, and she wonders when she took off her hoodie, left in just a little tank top and no bra. She vaguely remembers taking it off along with her glasses and shoes before falling into Harry's giant bed. She honestly hasn't slept in what feels like years. Let alone in such a nice bed.  
She doesn't have much time to think about it, because then Harry's trailing down to her neck and then it's sharp pain. Not expecting it, the moan comes before Louis can stop it, and the blush doesn't hesitate to follow. Louis is instantly perking up in her pants.  
"Interesting find," Harry grins, "what other kinks you got?"  
She licks her lips and stays silent, too stubborn to give him what he wants. He studies her face for a minute, then he's grabbing her wrists and pinning them roughly above her head. She has to bite her lip to keep from whimpering, toes curling.  
Harry leans down and bites softly at her neck, just a trace of what he did earlier. She bares her neck, breath picking up.  
"Tell me your name." He says into her neck.  
"No. You're spoiled." Louis chokes out, then her back is arching as Harry bites her collarbone.  
"Tell me your name and I'll give you what you want." He says, eyes wild when they meet hers. His lips are dark pink. She twitches in her pants.  
"What do you think I want?" She asks, and he raises an eyebrow and slowly presses his crotch to hers, moving against her slowly. She gasps.  
"Me. Deep inside you. Hitting you just at the perfect angle until you feel like you might burst. All the while you'll be handcuffed to the headboard, unable to do anything but let me have my way." He's such a dirty talker for such a sweet face. Louis' breath catches and sweat beads at her temple. Harry is still grinding against her agonisingly slow, and she tries to buck up, but he's stronger than her.  
"H-Harry..." she whimpers, pleading, desperate. Harry grins and starts to grind against her aggressively. Intensively. All the while he bites at her neck. She can't control the moans that escape, nor can she control when she comes with a shuddered gasp.  
In the wake of that, he releases her hands and kisses her forming lovebites with gentle lips. Louis is pretty sure she can see stars.  
"Louis," she murmurs, "Louis Tomlinson."


	2. two

The next time, it's in a toilet. In a random club that Niall dragged her to. The men may be older, but that doesn't make them any more mature. It's boring.  
She's drying her hands after washing them, and when she turns, he's standing right there in front of the door. She gasps, startled. He grins.  
"This is the girls room." She says, squinting at him. "You look fantastic." Harry says, instead of any excuse. He walks over and swoops her up, setting her on the sinks counter. Surprised, her hands find their way around his neck. After he sets her down, he leans in close and his fingers play with the zipper at the back of her dress. He doesn't unzip it, just taps at it.  
"Blue looks so good on you." He says, looking at her like she's food and he hasn't eaten in years. She squirms. She may be used to boy's wanting her, but she's never experienced someone who says things like this, or seems to just know everything she likes.  
"Why do you always dress so nice?" She asks, off topic, and Harry smiles.  
"I don't bother to look sloppy." He says, though it's not really an answer.  
He brushes his lips against hers for a minute before he actually kisses her, then it's dirty right away. She kisses back desperately, legs curling around his hips and pulling him closer. It reminds her of when they first met.  
"Who even are you?" She asks as he kisses down her neck while unzipping her dress. Her eyes flicker to the door, where she finds its already locked. That fucker.  
Then he's kissing at her top surgery scars, which she wasn't expecting. She puts a hand in his hair and squeezes at it. The scars aren't sensitive anymore, but the message is making her feel a bit sensitive.  
"Did it cost a lot?" Harry asks when he's finished kissing them, marvelling at the sight of her breasts.  
"Yeah, about five years of dishwashing in a restaurant. Like them? I figured B was perfect. Not too big not too small."  
Harry grins and takes one in his hand, his whole hand engulfing it, and he plays with her nipple. Louis bites her lip.  
"Yes, God. Perfect. Come back to my flat." He says, and continues to play with her nipple.  
"No," she says, even though she wants to say yes, "I don't like spoiled people."  
Harry pouts and kisses her again, then he's playing with her other nipple, getting rough with both of them. Louis' breath starts to pick up.  
"Please, baby." The word causes Louis' stomach to flip and her toes to curl. Her hands clench in Harry's shirt.  
"Not going to work. You can't use sex to force me home with you." She grits through her teeth, and then Harry's fingers stop. He pulls her dress back up and zips it, then plays with the ends of her hair at her neck.  
"I'm sorry. To be honest I've never had a woman be so stubborn with me. It's so fucking hot I don't know how to do anything." He says, looking at her shoulder instead of her eyes.  
She knew all of this, of course, which is why she won't let him get what he wants.  
"See? Spoiled. You're used to girls falling over to please you. I'm not like other girls. You have to prove to me you're worth it." She pushes him away gently and hops off the counter and looks him over. He's taller than her by a good few inches, so she has to look up.  
"You may be smart enough to know my kinks, but what makes you think I don't know yours?" She reaches up to the nape of his neck at his hairline and yanks.  
Harry grabs onto the counter and his lips fall open, eyes fluttering. It's all overwhelmingly pretty. He pulls her close with his other hand on her waist.  
"L-Louis--" he gasps, and she releases her hand. He's breathing heavily. He looks into her eyes, his pupils dilated.  
"I've never told anyone about that." He says, and she smirks.  
"Course not. But someone once told me it only takes a pair of observant eyes to see the obvious." She steps out of his grip and walks to the door, unlocking it and stepping out. The door is wide open, so the line of girls waiting can clearly see Harry still leaning against the counter with messy hair and pink cheeks. They cheer her on as she walks away. 

 

She's in her dorm after class when she spots a gift bag hanging from the door knob of the entrance. Not only that, but it's on the inside. She figures it's for her roommate, Kendall, but curiosity gets the better of her and she's jumping out of bed and tip toeing to the package. She opens the gift label.  
"For Louis. xx, H."  
Her eyes narrow and she opens the bag, wondering how the hell Harry got in without a key. She gasps at the contents, and immediately slips on her vans. 

 

She gets buzzed up immediately, and Harry's leaning in his doorway when she gets to his flat entrance. She shoves the bag into his hands.  
"This is not okay!"  
"Why not?" He asks with a pout, seeming mostly distracted by the t shirt and short shorts she's wearing. He stares long at her legs. She knows she has nice legs, but there's no time for that right now.  
"That necklace is worth 3,000 pound! I looked it up!"  
"So?" Harry asks, not seeming to get it.  
"Why would you spend so much money on a person you hardly know anything about!"  
Harry pulls the box out of the gift bag, opening it up. He fingers at the L pendant, completely made from real gold and diamonds, along with the chain worth so much on its own.  
"I saw it and thought of you. You said to prove I'm worth it." He says, looking a bit hurt that she brought it back.  
"Spending a ton of money on me doesn't prove your worth it. It proves that you're rich and you think I'm something you can just buy!" It's probably the hormones that she still has to take even after surgery, or maybe it's just because she's tired, but she can feel her eyes getting wet, though she refuses to cry.  
"I don't think I can buy you. You're worth more than anything I can afford. I just saw it and thought it would look so pretty on you." He says, eyebrows furrowed. Louis' never been told anything like that before. She doesn't even know what's happening most of the time with this boy.  
"You don't even know anything about me. Why would you spend so much money just to get in my pants?"  
"It's not to get in your pants. It's to try and prove that I care about this." He gestures between them and takes the necklace off of its holder, and clips it behind Louis' neck. It falls nicely between her collarbones. She touches at it with her fingers.  
"Why are you acting like we are dating?" Louis asks, eyes welling up. It's got to be the hormones. She looks at his shirt instead of his face, hopefully hiding under her fringe.  
"Hopeful actions, I guess. You're everything I ever wanted."  
"Why can't you be like everyone else and get disgusted when you find out I have a dick? You say I'm perfect but I've been told by more people otherwise. I'm not even a real woman." A tear falls, and she curses, wiping it away angrily. Harry pulls her inside and shuts the door. He sits on his couch and pulls her on his lap. She curls up with her head on his shoulder and cries a bit.  
"You're more of a woman than anyone I've ever met. I just want to make you smile. I'm sorry I made you think I was trying to buy you." He says as he rubs her back and kisses her shoulder.  
"You're so fucking weird for liking me this much." She says between tears, and hides her face.  
Harry lifts his shoulder so she ends up looking towards him. She knows her eyes are puffy, and she knows her cheeks are pink. She's never been an attractive cryer. She closes her eyes so she doesn't have so see him see her.  
"You're just as beautiful now as you were the day I first saw you." 

 

Harry takes her on a date. He brings her flowers and drives her to the beach. She expected the cinemas, but of course Harry isn't so basic.  
"This is my favourite place." He says when they get there, it's just past sunset, so the water is black, and the only light is the street lamps lining the entrance to the sand.  
"Is that why you always smell like the ocean?"  
"Maybe. But it could also be the cologne I got from Hawaii."  
Louis chuckles, and she's feeling sort of nervous. Nobody has really taken her on a date before. She's taken a girl on a date once, but that was while she was still in denial.  
Harry takes off his shoes and slacks, left in just his white button up undershirt and boxers. She copies, taking off her sandals so she's just in her white knee length dress.  
The water is surprisingly not too cold, but she still shivers as they step into the water until the waves are splashing at their calves.  
"It's so nice." She says. There's no traffic noise at this time, so it's nothing but the ocean waves gently splashing at the sand and the frogs making noise.  
"I thought you might like it. Want to swim?" He asks, and without waiting for an answer he starts to yank off his shirt.  
"Harry! Isn't there laws against that?" She asks, but can't help but laugh as Harry throws his clothes back to shore, left completely stark naked. She looks him over and bites her lip, nervous. She glances around.  
"Nobody here but us. I know the owner."  
"Of the beach?!"  
Harry nods. And of course he does. With hesitation, Louis unzips her dress and pulls it over her head, throwing it to the pile of clothes, then takes off her bra, throwing that as well. She plays with the hem of her knickers and glances around once more.  
Harry steps over to her and rubs gentle fingers over the hem as well.  
"You don't have to if you don't want to." He says, but she wants to. She wants to feel confident in her body. She yanks them down before she can back out and throws them as well. Though she can only stand for a few moments before her arms cross in front of her stomach. She may be confident, but there's something different about standing stark naked in the wide open while someone looks right at you.  
"You're beautiful." Harry says, then pulls her close to him as they walk further out, until the water is up to their shoulders.  
They have splash fights, and there's a lot of kissing, but they mostly find seashells and talk. They talk for hours until they know everything about each other. Until it's the middle of the night and their fingers are pruned.  
Afterwards, they put on their clothes even though they are wet. Harry gives her his overcoat when he sees her shiver. They walk barefoot to Harry's car and get sand everywhere. They go back to Harry's flat when Louis says Kendall would be sleeping. They eat sandwiches, have a little food fight, take a shower together, and go to sleep. Nothing dirty. It's all pretty romantic and Louis falls asleep with a smile. 

 

When she wakes up, Harry is already awake and staring at her pretty creepily.  
She narrows her eyes at him and lifts her head to look at his alarm clock. It's 10. She sits up with a gasp.  
"I have class in thirty minutes!" She says.  
It's a rush of getting ready, but then the zip on her dress from the day before breaks and she ends up tearing the whole dress up in frustration, even though it's one of her favourites.  
Harry kisses her to calm her down, and she kisses back more feverishly. She's so frustrated that she doesn't even care anymore.  
"Want--something, I don't know." She whines, and Harry pulls her to the bed and presses her down.  
"What do you want?" He asks, and she reaches down and unbuckles his belt. He's wearing his slacks and belt, but his shirt is only halfway buttoned as he was getting dressed as well.  
"Want you." She says, and his mouth opens slightly when she starts to unbutton his slacks.  
"Lou--" she pushes down his slacks with her feet and his pants as well, then circles a hand around his cock.  
"Want you." She says and squeezes him to clear any confusion.  
"Gonna miss class." He says, and she rolls her eyes.  
"I don't care anymore. Fuck me." She says, and Harry presses his forehead to her shoulder and takes a deep breath, seeming unable to compose himself.  
He reaches into the drawer next to his bed and pulls out a tube of lube. Her legs spread and she bites her lip.  
Harry gently pulls down the sleep shorts she borrowed from him the night before. She lies there in the open and she's hard.  
"Shit." Harry whispers to himself, and he lubes up his fingers, using his other hand to lift Louis' leg.  
"What other kinks of mine do you know about?" Harry asks randomly, and touches his fingers to Louis' hole. Her breath catches.  
"Plenty." She says, then gasps when Harry presses in a finger. She watches him watch what he's doing with wide eyes.  
"Have you slept with a guy before or just girls?" Louis asks. She didn't ask this at the beach even though she wanted to.  
"Just girls." Harry says sheepishly, confirming that he doesn't know what the hell he's doing, but he doesn't ask for direction. Instead, he presses in another finger. Louis hums. It's that weird uncomfortable feeling, but she's used to it.  
"M-more." She says, even though she's not ready yet.  
"Sure?" Harry asks, and Louis nods.  
Harry presses in another finger, causing Harry to adjust them, making him turn his hand and move his fingers. Which of course, brushes Louis' prostate.  
"There!" Louis gasps, fingers scratching at the sheets. Harry complies, pressing his fingers at that same angle, hitting it hard on perfect this time.  
Louis reaches out desperately and her hand finds Harry's neck. She circles it around and pulls him closer. He follows, and then kisses her jawline as he touches her prostate again.  
"Y-yeah. Perfect. Shit." She whines, and then Harry starts to fuck her with his fingers earnestly, while at the same time biting her neck. She moans loudly, back arching. Nobody's ever done this to her before. She's only done it to herself. She confirms that this is so much better.  
"Want you. Inside me. Your cock, Harry." She pleads, and he hums against her throat and finger fucks her harder, faster.  
It doesn't take long for Louis to come, especially when Harry brings his other hand up and tugs at her dick along with the rhythm.  
While she calms down, Harry cleans her up with tissues and kisses her gently.  
"Why don't you want to fuck me." She asks, not wanting to sound desperate but probably coming off as it anyways.  
"Want it to be special. Want it to not just be a fuck. I want it to be making love."  
It's too much. Louis shoves him off her.  
"Stop being so cheesy, you weird little shit!"  
They end up wrestling and she may have sucked him off again, but nobody has to know that. 

 

"We aren't dating."  
"I know." Harry replies, even though he's adjusting her beanie so her hair isn't sticking up all weird.  
"So stop being so cute." She demands, making Harry grin.  
"Only if you stop being cute first." He says, then kisses her forehead.  
"What the fuck!"  
They both turn and find Niall in the doorway. Niall's eyes are wide and his mouth is dropped open. 

"I didn't realise I had to tell you everything I do with my life!"  
"Well I'm your best friend, that's usually what best friends do!"  
"We aren't in high school anymore, Niall! Why are you being like this?!"  
"Because you're ditching me!"  
Louis runs a hand through her hair. Harry is standing awkwardly at the door while Louis and Niall argue. She doesn't know why he's so angry, but it's annoying.  
"I'm not ditching you! I can have other friends!"  
"Yes but you go and get a boyfriend and not even tell me? What if he had turned out a creep?!"  
"He's not my boyfriend! He's just some guy I sleep with sometimes! He's not going to take your place! Why do you care so much?!"  
"Oh gee I don't know?! Maybe because I've been your best friend since junior year of high school and you're too stupid to see I have feelings for you!"  
In the stunned silence, Louis realises two things: 1) Harry has left the room who knows when. 2) she has to tell Niall.  
She rubs her eyes.  
"Niall...I'm transgender."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: ohpleaselarry


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about how Niall ends up. I know he's not like that but it just happened. Oops. Love you Niall

She doesn't get out of bed for two days. She sends a half assed email to her professors but that's about it. Niall doesn't come back. Harry has seemed to fall off the face of the earth. But Louis won't text him first. She's too stubborn for that.  
On the third day Harry comes into the room. He's holding a key which he sets down on the shelf next to the door.  
"Kendall gave me it. She told me you're...having a mental breakdown?"  
"Why did you leave?" Louis whispers, only looking at him long enough to see he's wearing a t shirt and jeans instead of his usual suit.  
"I've been trying to do everything right but I can take a hint when you aren't interested."  
"What are you even talking about?"  
"You told Niall I was just some guy you're sleeping with. I thought you wanted more but I must have misunderstood."  
She looks at him, and he looks kind of crappy. Like maybe he hasn't showered today or something. He looks hurt. She didn't even realise it would affect him.  
"I lied. I do want more. Sometimes I even daydream about marrying you. I say stupid stuff when I'm angry. I'm also extremely stubborn and would probably pretend I don't like you all the way to our deaths."  
Harry looks at her, but she's looking at the ceiling and might be crying a bit.  
"You daydream about marrying me?" He asks. Or course he would pick that part out. She closes her eyes in embarrassment and doesn't answer. She knows she's blushing. It's quiet for a few minutes.  
"I've already picked out the colour of our nursery wall." He eventually says, and Louis looks at him, finds him blushing even more than her. It's unexpected and she starts to laugh. He laughs too and rubs a gentle thumb at her cheek.  
"What did he do?" He asks after their laughing has faded. She swallows thickly, not really wanting to answer.  
"Lou...tell me." He demands, and she turns on her side and looks at him sheepishly.  
"He shoved me is all. Said a few things."  
"Like what?"  
"Like...that I'll never be a real woman. That I'm going to hell...nobody will ever love me...stuff like that."  
"He shoved you?"  
"T-to the ground is all. And he may have kicked me a bit."  
She finally looks at him, and she finds her stomach flipping. His eyes are dark and he looks so angry that she's a bit worried for Niall's life. Harry stands up and starts for the door.  
"Harry, no!" She cries after him but it's too late. Harry snatches the key and slams out of the door.  
Louis lies back down with a pounding heart, wondering what will happen. 

 

Later that day she figures she should go to class to take her mind off of things. She showers and tries her phone again. Harry isn't answering her calls or texts.  
So she goes to class and half asses her notes, mind racing.  
After class she heads back to her dorm and is surprised to find Harry laying on her bed, holding a tissue to his cheek.  
"What happened?!" She drops her rucksack and rushes over. Harry still looks angry.  
"He beat the shit out of Niall Horan, that's what happened." Kendall pipes up from the other bed, making Louis jump, startled.  
"He told Nick Grimshaw." Harry says angrily.  
Louis' heart drops. Everyone knows Nick. The biggest gossip in the entire world, and yet people still tell him their secrets.  
"No..."  
"Yeah. Sorry Lou." Kendall says, standing up and giving him a hug.  
"If it makes any difference, you're still my best girlfriend."  
Louis smiles and Kendall leaves.  
Harry sits up.  
"That seems so unlike you to beat someone up." Louis says, heart fluttering. She can't help but feel flattered. As far as she knows, Harry couldn't hurt a fly.  
"It is. But nobody touches you and gets away with it," He says, still not looking at her. He takes the tissue off his cheek, revealing a cut, and throws it into the waste bin, "I can assure you he will be expelled immediately. If you want."  
Louis' eyes widen.  
"No! I don't want to ruin his life." Louis says, and Harry nods.  
"I figured you'd want that." He says, and he still isn't looking at her.  
"Why won't you look at me?" Louis asks, and runs a hand through his hair. He leans into it.  
"I'm ashamed. I left when you clearly needed someone. Like some kind of fucking hulk or something. I'm sorry. I rarely get angry but when I do it just...it's so many emotions at once I can't think." He clenches and unclenches his hands over and over.  
Louis presses him back gently until he's laying down.  
"It doesn't matter. You stood up for me. It's...really hot actually." She admits, and crawls on top of him. Finally, he looks at her, eyes wide.  
She kisses him and starts to grind against him in circles, making him grab onto her hips and gasp into her mouth.  
"I want to make love. Not fuck." She whispers, and Harry's hands slide up, under her shirt. He pulls her closer so there's no space between them.  
She grinds for a bit more but gets impatient and yanks down his jeans and pants, while Harry reaches up under her skirt and slowly pulls down her knickers.  
Louis blindly reaches for the drawer next to her bed and pulls out a packet of lube, and a condom.  
"Ugh, fuck it." She murmurs and throws the condom back, knowing that's a terrible decision but not really caring anyways.  
She preps herself so it'll be quicker, gasping into Harry's mouth when she hits her own spot.  
"You're so hot like this." Harry says when she leans up. She grins and lathers lube on Harry's cock, then positions herself above him.  
"First time doing anal?" She asks, even though she knows the answer.  
Harry's sweating, and he holds Louis' waist tightly.  
"Yeah..." he whispers.  
"Try to last long." Louis says with a wink, then sinks down slowly. Her eyes flutter but she keeps them open, watches Harry's back arch.  
"Ohhh fuck," he gasps, "oh fucking shit."  
Louis grins, only imagining how it feels, and she slowly starts to ride him, feeling every inch of him. He suddenly stops her, hands tight on her waist. She's sure to have bruises.  
Harry's eyes are squeezed shut and his toes are curled. He's biting his lip roughly.  
"Good?"  
"T-too good. Hold on. Wanna last." He says, and holds her still for a few minutes as he tries to calm down. Louis can't stop grinning. She can't help but feel flattered.  
"Okay. Okay." Harry opens his eyes and looks at her, and she feels him twitch inside of her. He quickly shuts his eyes again.  
"Shit. Okay. Fuck."  
She giggles at him, and he laughs as well, peeking an eye open. They laugh for a bit, and Harry's hands loosen.  
"Okay. God, you're so gorgeous."  
Louis starts to ride him again, going slow. She quickly gets impatient though and quickens up. She tries different angles until she finds her spot, and can only ride it there three times before her legs shake, the pleasure too much.  
Harry catches on quick and flips them around, slipping out of her. She didn't expect it so she gasps, and Harry's fast to push back into her. Her fucks her gentle for just a minute, then he lifts her leg up onto his shoulder and starts to fuck her fast and hard. At the perfect angle. He has a good memory.  
"O-ohh god yes. Ha-arry.." she moans, hands flailing to grab at his shoulders. He leans down and bites her neck.  
"I'm so close." He gasps, and she pulls at his hair.  
"Me too, d-d-" she breaks off into a moan, and Harry pulls away from her neck, sweating, looks in her eyes.  
"Oh fuck, say it, baby." He says, eyes dilated so much they look black. He circles a hand around her dick and tugs her off, and she comes fast and quick.  
"So good, d-daddy." She says, and Harry's thrusts stutter as he comes with a curse.  
He slips out of her and collapses next to her. They pant for a while, and Harry's blushing quite hard.  
"How'd you know about that one?" He asks.  
"Well...balance of probability. Plus my knowledge of your kink preferences--"  
"Bullshit."  
"...I may have looked at your browser history on your laptop."  
They burst into laughter, and Harry's red as a lobster. He covers his eyes with his hands as he blushes.  
"You're such a fucking weirdo." Harry says in embarrassment. Louis bites her lip and figures she can do it. Just this once. Sure, she hates cheesy shit but why not? Harry will love it.  
She picks up his arm from his eyes. And kisses him.  
"Yes, but I'm your weirdo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I make this into a full series? It would end up being in the future when Louis gets genital reassignment surgery and I may add kids and marriage and stuff but only if y'all want. I could just leave it here. Lemme know in the comments :) also this is unedited work obviously but ill get to that soon lol


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all convinced me. I had fun with this, so I had to turn it into a series. It's in the future but not much, so of course Harry and Louis have changed. Hopefully y'all like where I took this. This is just the first future chapter, so don't worry, there will be more drama coming up. This one was sort of just to get y'all in the feel of what's going on. Enjoy!

[six years later]

 

Louis stands in front of the floor length mirror, wearing nothing at all, her toes curling against the cold tile below her. She's takes a hold of her dick and tucks it between her legs. It doesn't look like a vagina, but she turns to the side, finds that she likes the empty space.  
There's a knock at the door.  
"Louis? Show starts in ten minutes!"  
"Thanks Alf!" She calls, and she's quick to get dressed, throwing on her new dress, one with sequins all over it, and it's a pretty light blue colour. It hugs her curves perfectly. She slips on her white heels and leans in close to the mirror. She doesn't usually bother with much makeup, but today she's got some on. Her hair is getting longer, tickling at her shoulders. She wonders if she should cut it like she usually would.  
Shrugging her shoulders, she makes her way out of the bathroom, where Alf is waiting, arms crossed, squinting at anyone who walks by.  
He nods at her as she comes out, offering an arm. She places her hand in the crook of his elbow and then they are off down the hallway.  
It's a maze of halls and rooms, and the noise gets gradually louder as they get nearer to the show. It hasn't even started and the screams are deafening.  
People make room for them as they walk, some say hi, and some look flustered.  
Finally, they get to the dressing room.  
Alf positions himself next to the door, opening it for her. Louis pats his shoulder.  
"Thanks for the escort, babe." Rarely does he smile, but he does, just a bit. She steps into the room and the door is closed behind her.  
"You look amazing."  
Louis grins, does a little twirl. Harry's eyes are twinkling. He's shirtless, but he's otherwise dressed. He steps over to her and pulls her close, giving her a kiss.  
"Bought it before we got here. Figured you'd like the surprise." She says, arms curling around his neck. She plays with the ends of his hair.  
"Love it. Brings out your eyes."  
The door opens, and in walks Aiden. He rolls his eyes at them, but they don't pay much mind.  
Louis can tell Harry's nervous. He always is before a show, but he seems more now than usually.  
"Can you hear the fans? They love you. You're going to do so well."  
Harry smiles.  
"I think I'm more nervous because it's the first show of the tour." Harry says, and she steps out of his hold and fixes his hair.  
"Oh, hush. You're going to do amazing."  
Harry shakes his head with a grin and turns to put on his shirt.  
Louis leans against the back of the couch and watches him with a smile.  
"You two are so gross." Aiden says from where he's standing on the other side of the room, tugging on his shoes.  
"You love it." Louis says, blowing him a kiss. Aiden mimes puking, so Louis throws a pillow at him.  
"Five minutes out!" Comes a call from the door, most likely Paul.  
Harry and Aiden step out of the room and follow Paul through the maze of hallways towards the stage. Alf follows Louis closely, a hand on her lower back.  
Harry walks just a bit in front of her, and takes her hand, looking at her for reassurance, eyes wide. Louis doesn't know why he's so nervous. This is their second tour. Why is he so nervous? She squeezes his hand when they reach the load-out, where Harry and Aiden will be lifting up from below the stage. Both boys turn to her and they get into a group hug. Alf stands closely behind, back to them.  
"I love you, boys. Make all those people out there wet themselves." They laugh at her words.  
"Thirty seconds out." Paul yells next to them over the screams.  
The boys take their spots over their load-outs. Before he takes his place, Harry pulls Louis close and kisses her. When he pulls away, Louis fixes his necklace so it's not tangled up. With one more wide eyed look in her eyes, Harry gets into his load-out. The beginning notes of _Dreaming of You_ begin. The screams get louder, so Louis' ears feel like they may just burst.  
She steps back out of the load-out area just as the boys are lifted and the screams turn deafening. The people in the hallway are all running around busy to get the show running smoothly, so Alf walks in front of her. She keeps a hand clutched in the back of his shirt. Ever since the incident where a male fan tried to pull her top off in a mob of fans once, Harry has put Alf on a much higher guarding. At first, he was just an extra guard for the boys, but it's gotten to the point where Louis is getting just as many people asking for her photo. She doesn't know why people love her, but it's to the point where there's a campaign online to add her to interviews. She's not even in the band!  
By the time they get backstage, the first song is already halfway finished, so Louis takes her spot on her stool in the wings, and Alf stands next to her.

The show goes well. The boys are just as amazing as they always are, harmonising perfectly. Louis watches from backstage, and cheers them on during the clothing changes. Harry is weirdly jittery, seeming to be shaking just a bit. She watches him wave at fans and slap Aiden's arse. She doesn't notice much different. Maybe it was just the break between tours? They did take some time off from interviews and stuff for a month before tour started.  
"Does Harry seem weird today?" Louis yells to Paul, who's standing a few feet away. Paul steps closer so she can hear him.  
"What?" He yells back.  
Louis is about to repeat herself, when she hears the beginning notes to _Little Things_ , the final song of the set, except...there's no guitar. It's just piano. Louis' head whips around to find Aiden at the piano, and Harry's standing mid stage.  
"Your hand fits in mine, like it's made just for me..." usually Aiden sings this verse, but it's Harry.  
"What's going on?" Louis asks Alf, but he looks just as clueless. Paul, on the other hand, is smirking, standing back a few feet away again. Louis narrows her eyes at him, but looks back at stage, eyes widening when she sees Harry, looking right at her, slowly walking her way.  
"..and I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks, and it all makes sense to me.." he gets to her, and continues singing. He takes her hand and starts to pull her on stage. Her stomach flips and she shakes her head, but he pulls her anyways. The fans get even louder when they see them. She glances out to the thousands of people like a deer in headlights, finds thousands upon thousands of lights. Phone flashlights, lighters, glow-sticks. It's the most lights she's ever seen at their show. She looks back at Harry once they get back mid stage, and there's a stool there that she doesn't remember being there before. He continues to sing and motions for her to sit.  
"..and i won't let these little things slip, out, of my mouth.." he sings, and the fans are singing along loudly, waving their lights side to side.  
She can do nothing but sit and watch, eyes wide. She looks over to Aiden, but he just grins and continues to play. The rest of the band just sits at their instruments, watching as well. She can only see josh from where she's sat, and he's grinning too. What the hell is happening?  
Finally the song nears the end, and Harry steps directly in front of her and leans in close.  
"...I'm in love with you, and all your little things." He finishes. Aiden plays the last chord, and the stadium falls to a hush. When Harry steps away to the side, Louis looks out to the crowd. There, a few rows back, a row of fans are holding giant letters that are lit up with pretty white lights.  
'Marry Me' it reads.  
Louis gasps, heart pounding.  
"Louis Tomlinson...I've never been good with speeches. You know that, because we did take the same speech class in second year. So this may be shit. Bare with me. Ever since I saw you at that stupid frat party six years ago, I always thought you were out of my league. I thought it when I first talked to you, when we had our first kiss, when we had our first date, when I asked you to be my girlfriend, when I had my first gig, when I first said I love you. You've always been so confident in yourself. So sure. So amazing. I never thought I'd be where I am today, and it's all thanks to you. So hopefully you can understand why I am so nervous right now..." he takes a deep breath and wipes sweat from his forehead. Louis can't stop grinning. Some fans laugh at the gesture, but the stadium is silent. The fans all hold phones and cameras recording, but she looks out and finds all eyes on them. Everyone is smiling. When she looks back at Harry, the boy is biting his lip nervously, one hand in his pocket. Louis shakes her head and leans forward.  
"Get on with it, Curly." She says into the mic, and the fans scream. She grins at them and motions for them to be quiet. They scream for a minute more, but they hush up. Some are crying.  
Harry looks down and laughs.  
"See what I mean?" He says, and finally, gets down on a knee and holds out the small box.  
"Louis...you never do laundry. You never clean up after yourself. You never do the shopping. You leave the bottle of juice in the fridge even after you've drunk the last bit. You endlessly play pranks on everyone. You are so loud, especially when I'm trying to write. You constantly pretend you don't like me. And for crying out loud, you never answer your phone," he shakes his head, and Louis is grinning. She's proud of herself. Only she could make him so annoyed, "Louis, God, what I wouldn't do to deal with all of that for the rest of my life because you know just as well as I do that I fucking love it. You're so difficult and you remind me constantly how to be a better person. You've turned me from some snobby rich kid to who I am today. You're the love of my life. I want all of that and whatever more you can offer. Louis...will you marry me?"  
He opens the box, and she can't believe it. She remembers being in the small jewellery shop in Italy, seeing the ring. It's a silver band, but unlike most engagement rings, there's no gem protruding from the top. They are embedded into the band, pretty diamonds all real. She had stood there at the counter looking at it for five minutes, wanting it so bad, but that was before the band was really big. Before they could afford thousands on a ring. She had fallen in love with it, and she didn't even realise Harry had noticed it.  
She takes the mic from Harry, and she can feel her eyes welling up.  
"Yes, you fucking sap."  
The fans erupt in screams, and out of nowhere, the boys confetti bombs shoot off, spewing confetti all over the entire stadium. Harry stands and slips the ring on her finger and picks her up to kiss her, twirling her in circles.  
The fans are screaming so loud Louis can even hear herself think. Unable to control it, she starts to cry.  
It's the best feeling in the world.

 

 

[a year later]

 

 

"Louis, you've finally hit your bit break, did you ever feel overshadowed by Harry's fame?"  
Louis shakes her head with a smile.  
"Course not. I didn't even consider acting until the music video."  
"Oh right, the boys music video. Which song was that? _Lovestruck_?"  
"That's the one. I played the girl that Aiden and Harry were fighting over. It was pretty enjoyable, but I didn't think anyone would call me for a movie or anything."  
The interviewer laughs, and Louis looks out past the cameras, where Harry is standing, watching with a soft smile.  
"Has there ever been a love triangle? Surely with how much time you've spent on tour with The Affinity, there must've been some feelings flying around?"  
Louis laughs.  
"No, it was never like that. Aiden's like my brother. He once drew a penis on my face while I was sleeping. In permanent marker. Took forever to be able to leave the tourbus."  
With a few more questions, the interview gets wrapped up, and Louis hugs her goodbye.  
When she's away from the camera, Harry's there, tucking some of her hair behind her ear and kissing her gently.  
"Love triangle." He murmurs with a grin. She slaps him gently.  
"I know right. I should've told her that if anything, you and Aiden were to be worried about."  
"Heyyy, we only kissed once, and it was your dare!"  
They walk to Kelly, Louis' manager. She tells Louis she's done for the day.  
Harry and Louis make their way back to the dressing room, Alf following close behind. When they get to the dressing room, Harry's quick to shut the door. His eyes are puffy. He pulls Louis close.  
"It's only a month." Louis murmurs, but she can feel her eyes itching. She bites her lip to keep from crying.  
"I know." He says, but he holds her tight anyways. He has to leave in an hour for the start of the new tour, which is starting in America. He won't be back to England for a month, and Louis can't join him due to post-film interviews and award shows and all. Now that she's a well known actress, she can't spend all tour with the band. It'll be the first tour she won't be able to join.  
She remembers last night in the hotel room, when Harry fucked her against the wall as their last goodbye sex. Now that she's accustomed to being with him all the time, she doesn't know what she's going to do. For a whole month. She hopes the interviews and stuff will keep her busy.  
Harry's plane leaves in an hour, and the airport is 20 minutes away, so they don't have long for goodbyes. Harry decided that he doesn't want her to come to the airport, as there will be lots of paps and fans there, and he won't be there to make sure she's okay when she leaves.  
Aiden pokes his head through the door.  
"Sorry to interrupt, guys, but the car is here, Harry."  
Louis steps out of Harry's hold and walks over to Aiden, giving him a hug.  
"Make a mess in the tourbus for me, alright? He'll feel proper sad without someone to clean up after." She whispers in his ear, and when he laughs, he chokes a bit. She pulls away and finds his eyes welling up a bit too.  
"Oh cmon, boys, you can survive for a month."  
They both nod, but they are both a mess. Louis knows it'll be different. She won't be there for the first show. Won't be there for their traditional group hug, or Harry's good luck kiss. Or the after show partying in the bus after every show. It may just be a month, but it's a long time after three years spent at each other's hips.  
They join into a group hug, until Aiden pulls out and leaves, saying he doesn't want to walk out "in a proper sobbing mess".  
Harry is hesitant to leave. They make their way into the doorway, and Aiden is already turning at the end of the hallway, suitcase on his back.  
Harry kisses her again, and she wipes his tears away.  
"You're going to kill it. And I'll be here ready to cheer you on when you get back," she fixes his hair and taps his shoulders so he'll stop slouching like he always does when he's sad, "I love you."  
He smiles, hands still tight on her hips.  
"I love you." He says back, then he's looking at Alf. He places a hand on his shoulder.  
"Alf, mate. We've got the guest room all set up at the house. You protect her, yeah? I don't care if she's leaving the house just to get something from the car. You be there, alright? I swear to god, if I see a single photo of her alone..."  
"Won't happen, Mr. Styles. You can trust me when I say I'll protect her with my life." Alf says.  
Harry turns to Louis again, exhaling shakily.  
"You're good?"  
"Course."  
Harry nods, seeming to feel a bit better. Louis wants to say she can handle herself, but she knows that it's probably not a good idea right now. Harry is always worrying lately.  
"Go before you miss your flight." Louis says, pushing at him gently.  
Harry nods, but kisses her again. Finally, he starts down the hall. Once he reaches the end, he looks back, eyes wide. Louis shoots him a thumbs up, their signal, and Harry nods, does it back. Then he's gone.  
Louis stands for a few moments, until finally, she starts to cry. Not too much, but she didn't want to cry in front of Harry.  
Alf moves in front of her and hugs her. Louis hugs him back and cries into his shoulder.  
"Just a month." Alf says, patting her back, and Louis nods.  
Hopefully she can make it through just fine.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I made the chapter out of 10 but idk if I'll have more or less chapters in the end so it's just a guess! So it'll most likely change.


	5. five

A month without the boys isn't the hardest thing ever at first. In the beginning, it's alright. She does her meetings. Her interviews. Her panels. Of course, she misses the boys. But they FaceTime everyday, and it's alright. Louis is just fine. Besides, Alf isn't bad company.   
"How come you didn't get married?" Louis asks one day when she and Alf are just lounging watching crap telly. Even relaxing, Alf is sat up straight, constantly in guard mode, mouth in a straight line. Louis doesn't know how he does it.   
"I'm only 30." Alf says, glancing over at Louis with a raised eyebrow. Louis didn't really know before, but she thinks she knows now why Harry chose Alf as her personal bodyguard. It shows in the way Alf is built. Muscular but not too much. Green eyes. Dad hair. Tall. He's like an older, tougher, more serious Harry. Of course Harry would choose him as her bodyguard. Once you look past the scar down his cheek and the scary tattoo on the back of his neck, Alf looks like a nice guy. Someone you could depend on.   
"Would it be weird if I asked to lay on you?" Louis asks, fiddling with her thumbs. Harry's been gone a week and a half.   
Alf lifts his hands from his lap.   
"Mr. Styles said you might ask that." Alf says with a tiny smile. He pats his lap once.   
Louis smiles and scoots over, laying her head in Alf's lap. The man starts to pet at her hair. When Louis closes her eyes, it's almost like Harry's here. He knows her far too well, she decides. Or maybe he's just clever. 

 

She stands in from of the mirror in their bedroom, fully nude. She pinches at her thighs, then her love handles, then she turns to the side, sucking in her stomach then letting it back out. She's never had a problem with extra weight, and she's not even near chubby, but sometimes there's that tiny voice in her head wondering if Harry is still attracted to her. She's always been confident, but is she still hot? Harry's been gone for two and a half weeks. They've never been apart this long. She tucks her dick, looking in the mirror once more.  
She's been thinking about it for a long time. Genital reassignment surgery. A long time. As in, years. She hates to admit it, but it's not money holding her back, it's Harry. She has plenty of money. Enough for like, a million surgeries.   
The only thing holding her back is Harry. She wonders sometimes if he is only sexually attracted to her dick. It seems harsh, but she does wonder it.   
He's always said that he doesn't care, that he's attracted to everything she has to offer, but at the end of the day it's the same question:  
Would Harry still enjoy her without a dick? 

 

Four days before Harry gets home, it starts off as a normal day. Louis wakes up and showers, walking into the kitchen to find Alf already up, looking out of the kitchen window.   
"Anything interesting?" Louis asks, standing next to him and peeking out as well.   
"Neighbour's all doing their normal thing, though there's been a black car parked across the street for an hour."  
"Visiting family?"   
"I'm not sure. A man got out a while back and went into Mrs. Park's house. He had his own key."   
"I thought Mrs. Parks didn't have family?"   
Alf nods, squinting at the car.   
"Exactly. That's why the doors are locked."   
Louis isn't too worried. People come round here all the time. She thinks it's probably family they don't know about. Could be a fan. They never know. She doesn't care too much.  
"We should go get cheesecake." Louis says, opening the fridge with pursed lips.  
"Nearest shop is ten minutes by car." Alf says, still staring at the car.   
"I'm aware." Louis says, probably adding more sass than necessary to her voice.   
Alf smiles, still looking out the window. He's been doing that more, now, the whole smiling thing. Louis suspects it's just because they aren't around cameras at home, but she doesn't really know.   
"Go put on shoes." Alf says, finally looking away from the window.   
Louis doesn't miss the way Alf's eyes drop to her breasts, even if it's just for a moment before he's turning back to the window. 

The car ride is nothing but Louis loudly singing along to Katy Perry, and Alf nearly laughing, but managing to just smile a bit.   
"Mind me if I'm overstepping, but you have a great voice. Better than her." Alf says when they park at the shop. He motions a hand at the radio. Louis blushes a bit and slaps his arm.   
"A compliment is never overstepping. And thank you." She grins, and Alf tells her to stay put while he gets out, surveying the parking lot before letting her out.   
"I'm not sure why Harry put me on such high protection. Nobody really knows me, anyways."   
As if on cue, two girls stop them to ask for a photo. Louis pretends she doesn't see Alf's smirk as they walk away. 

 

When they get home, Louis walks ahead of Alf and to the front door. She steps inside and the first thing she notices is that the kitchen window curtain is open.   
She has a good memory. Not as good as Harry's, but she can rely on it.   
"Alf..." she says as he walks in. He sets the cheesecake on the counter and looks at her with a questioning look. She steps close to him and holds onto his arm.   
"Someone's in here." She whispers, and immediately Alf is tensed up. He doesn't ask her how she knows. He doesn't question anything. He surveys the room, finding nothing, and moves forward to the living room.   
There's a man. With a gun.   
Alf's got Louis behind his back sooner than Louis can get a good look at the man. She can feel her heartbeat in her ears. She holds onto Alf's shirt with her fists, and presses her cheek against his back. Alf keeps a hand on her waist, keeping her shielded behind him.   
"Louis Tomlinson...I'm a big fan." The man says, sounding older, but not too old. She guesses he's around 30 or 40. She also hears him take a step forward. Alf's hand holds her closer to him. She's completely plastered to her back. She's never had something like this happen to her, which is probably why she can feel her eyes welling up in fear.   
"Fans don't usually hold a gun up to their idols. The breaking in part is expected, though." Alf says, and she can feel his heartbeat, elevated. It makes her feel a bit calmer, knowing he's just as scared as she is, though he's clearly handling it much better.   
"I'm in love with her...I love you, Louis. That's why I have to do this. I could never have a chance to be with you, but there's one way to always have my name be associated with yours..."   
"You know I won't let that happen." Alf says, and Louis suddenly wishes she hadn't wanted cheesecake. If she didn't want cheesecake, they would have stayed here, and nobody would have been able to get in with Alf here.   
"I've got more than one bullet, and you're in my way." The man says, and suddenly, Louis' world is spinning as she's shoved behind the kitchen counter, falling over roughly, and when she sits up, Alf's got his own gun out, then he steps out of view.   
All she hears is rustling as the men apparently fight, then, the loudest noise she's ever heard, two gun shots, one after the other.   
The noise is so loud. She's never heard a gun anywhere but on movies and such. She didn't realise it would be so fucking loud. Her ears ring and she can't hear anything for about two minutes. Finally, she peeks her head out from the kitchen counter, and can't help her own gasp. The first thing she sees is the man, blood seeping from his head. He's got a bullet hole right in his forehead above his eye. Louis feels dizzy. She turns away and is sick on the floor, unable to control her reaction. She's never seen a dead person like that before. Then she sees Alf, who's got blood oozing from his mouth, lying a few feet away from the guy, holding a hand to his stomach.   
Louis staggers out from behind the counter and over to Alf, snatching the throw from the back of the sofa, replacing Alf's hand with it and applying pressure. It's on his right side, and she tries to remember what to do next as she dials 999, only remembering bits and pieces of the nursing class she took with how fast her thoughts are running in her brain.   
"Alf, please don't die." She chokes, realising she's crying. Alf's eyes are glossy, and he lifts a bloody hand and clutches her shirt.   
"M...Mrs. Styles..." he whispers, and even though Louis has told him a million times to call her Louis, she can't say it now as she cries out her address to the phone. Alf seems to be in and out of consciousness, sometimes motionless for a moment or two before he's wincing again. 

The ambulance takes seven minutes. Louis manages to keep Alf awake, and as they load him into the truck, Louis goes as well. Paramedics work around her, setting up patches and tubes and whatever. They start to care for his wound.   
"I...I've had feelings for you for three years. I thought y-you should know." Alf says, then coughs up more blood. Louis holds his hand, crying.   
"Alf--I..."  
"You don't have to s-say anything. I never expected anything from it..." he smiles, looking more young than she's ever seen him.   
"Please don't die." She says, combing through his hair with her fingers.   
"I-it's an honour...to die...for you...Louis Styles." He says, looking right in her eyes, before suddenly they roll to the back of his head and he starts to convulse. They arrive to the hospital not even five seconds later, and then it's a blur of lights and beds and yelling doctors before Louis is told she has to wait in the waiting room because she's not allowed to stay with Alf.   
Then she's getting a call from Harry. She's already crying, and she's hysterical, but she answers.   
"Louis, baby, I got a call. Is he okay? Oh my god, I can't believe--are you okay?" Harry can hardly put a sentence together, and Louis curls up in the hospital chair pulling her knees to her chest.   
"I need you." Is all she can say, and Harry says something about already being on a flight or something. Her mind is a blur. She can't stop seeing all of the blood. She vomits again, this time in a waste basket, and Harry tells her five times that he loves her before having to hang up for take off. 

Someone brings her water, and she thinks it's a nurse. She doesn't really know. All she does know is that there's about ten million news stations outside of the hospital, all standing near the front entrance, not blocking it, but standing there still. She hears Harry before she sees him. She hears him in the volume increase of the crowd, and in the rushed steps of the gold ankle boots she bought him for Christmas.   
Then he's there, kneeling in front of her chair, examining her head, her face, her arms and legs, for injuries she guesses, before he pulls her close. He must've been crying, judging by the puffiness in his eyes, the flush in his cheeks.   
"If I had lost you..." his voice cracks, and he shakes his head against her shoulder. She's shaking very slightly as she clutches onto him.   
"Never leave again." She says, and he shakes his head again and holds her tighter.   
"Never. Never going to leave for a second."   
"Mrs. Styles?"   
Louis pulls away from Harry, and there's a doctor.   
"Mr. Klein is stable. Though he hardly made it through surgery. It will be a long recovery, but he will survive."   
Louis can't help the exhale of relief.   
"Can I see him?" 

When Alf sees Harry, he starts to cry. Louis has never seen him cry before, so its unexpected.   
"Mr. Styles, I'm so sorry, I didn't--"  
"It's not your fault, Alf. You couldn't have predicted it."   
"I shouldn't have allowed us to leave. I knew the car was sketchy." His voice is shaky, and he winces with every word, clearly still in pain.   
Harry places a hand on Alf's arm.   
"Don't blame yourself. You saved her life. I don't know how I could ever repay you."   
Alf is still crying, and he's completely not looking at Louis. She doesn't really know why.   
"The fact that she is alive is more than enough payment." Alf says, then Harry's hugging him, cautious of his wounded area.   
"When you've recovered, if you want to continue working for us, you must understand that you'll be getting an enormous raise."   
"I'd love to continue, b-but I don't need--"  
"There's no room for argument." Harry says. It's quiet for a beat.   
"Can I talk to him alone?" Louis asks, and Harry doesn't ask questions. He just kisses her forehead and leaves the room with a soft click of the door closing.   
"Why won't you look at me?" Louis asks, stepping to the bed and taking Alf's hand.   
"I'm ashamed. For what I said in the ambulance." He answers honestly, and Louis shakes her head.   
"Don't be...why did you say it would be an honour to die for me?"   
"Because it would. I would do anything to keep you alive and well. Not only is it my job, but it's my pleasure."   
"Why didn't you ever tell me you had feelings for me?"  
Alf gulps, loud in the silence of the room. He brings a hand up and wipes at his temple like he's sweating, even though the ac is causing it to be quite cool in the room.   
"I knew you could never reciprocate my feelings. I didn't want to give you that stress. I only told you because I thought I was going to die."   
"Why...your last words could have been anything...why, why me?" She can't wrap her head around it. Of course, she sort of subconsciously knew he might have had feelings for her, but she never knew it was like this.   
Alf stares at the ceiling, eyes wet.   
"You're the best person I've ever met." He murmurs.   
Louis nods with furrowed brows, and it's quiet for a while. She doesn't know what's going to happen from here, so she just sits here and wonders how someone could hold her life above theirs. She's always been confident, but not that confident. She doesn't know how to handle it.   
For now, she just holds Alf's hand and watches him fall asleep from the drugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I don't know wtf I'm doing with this book lol my mind is all over the place pls tell me if I'm fucking it up I'll honestly rewrite it idk if y'all like it or if it's too much lol


	6. six

It takes a long time before Louis can go back to the house. She has lots of nightmares. She can hardly sleep because all she can think of is that man, blood seeping from the hole in his head, eyes open, still with that sadistic grin on his face.   
She doesn't go back until Alf is all better, which takes a good while of him spending time at his flat getting better with the at home nurse Louis and Harry got for him.   
But she's coping. Harry is with her as well, as their tour was cancelled because of this. Louis tried to protest, but Harry and Aiden both argued that Harry needs to be there. Louis also hasn't checked the internet or anything since it happened, but Harry told her that it was on national news. Apparently she's a bit more recognised than she thought. 

"Lou, you'll have to do it at some point." Harry murmurs. They've been standing in the driveway for nearly 30 minutes. She's standing between Alf and Harry, trying to work up the nerve to go inside.   
Alf seems to be having a bit of trouble too, going by the tightness of his jaw and the way he's taking deep breaths, though a person could hardly tell unless they knew him.   
Ever since the incident, Louis has been having mixed feelings about everything. On one hand, sometimes she wants to just yank out her hair so she will stop having to remember that man's dead body, but on the other hand she knows she has to keep it together. Not just for her and Harry, but for Alf. He saved her life. He almost died for her. She knew that his job is to protect her but she never thought he would go that far. Someone almost died for her. She can't waste anymore time. She has to make her life worth it. Yet, it's hard to do that when she can't even think straight with everything running through her head a mile a minute.   
She's brought from her thoughts when Harry takes her hand. She looks at him, her thoughts quieting down. He smiles gently at her, eyes sad, and she smiles back a bit.   
She squeezes his hand back and lets go, then starts the walk up the driveway. When they get to the door, everything looks normal. Nothing catastrophic. Obviously.   
She uses her key, slowly unlocking the door, and steps inside. The kitchen is the first room in the house, so it's unavoidable.   
It looks a bit dusty, but other than that, nothing looks off. The cleaners did really well. There's no blood stains on the tile. No smells.   
The kitchen window curtain is still open. She steps over to it and closes it, then looks back at the boy's.   
Harry is looking at the floor. He saw the pictures, so he must be looking for any evidence of anything. He hasn't been here either. Alf is looking right at her. She tries a smile at him, but she's sure it just comes out as a grimace. Alf shrugs a bit, eyes dropping to her legs for just a millisecond, before he looks over at Harry.   
"Mr. Styles...I can't express enough--"  
"Still not your fault, Alf, and after all we've been through, I think it's safe to say we are on a first name basis by now?" He claps Alf on the shoulder, and the man takes a deep breath. He's always been so tough, always having a rough exterior, but ever since that day he seems to be a lot more, well, human.   
"I think we need to move." Louis says, and both boys look at her.   
"I agree," Harry says, "I'm thinking somewhere in the country where nobody would even think there would be a house. We tell nobody our address."   
"I've always wanted a horse." Louis murmurs, and that's that. Harry gets on the phone with their landlady, stepping into the backyard, leaving her and Alf alone.   
It's quiet for a few minutes. Alf stands stock still a foot away from the door, not making any move to come any further into the room.   
"If my confession in the ambulance has made you uncomfortable, I understand if you don't want me to be your personal guard anymore." Alf says out of nowhere, hands folded tightly in front of him. He's looking at the floor and not at her.   
"It hasn't. I'm more worried if it's making you uncomfortable. I'll understand if you don't want to be here anymore."   
"I want to be here. I want to protect you, but I am just a bodyguard. I know I've complicated things and it's fine if you want a new one."   
Louis shakes her head, rubbing at her eyes.   
"I think after what we've been through, you aren't just my bodyguard anymore, Alf. I'd even say we were friends. Nobody's ever...I've never had someone do something like that for me. I want you here. Not just as my bodyguard, but because you're the only one who understands what I'm going through and I honestly feel like I'm falling the fuck apart." She says it all in one breath, then starts to cry.   
Alf comes to her, but hesitates. He's always hugged her when she cries, but now she knows he's scared that he will complicate things, so she moves first, clutching at his shirt and pressing her forehead to his chest, and he circles his arms around her.   
"I feel so selfish for feeling this way. I'm trying to be strong but every time I close my eyes I can't stop seeing...I wish I could be stronger. I mean, you're doing so much better than me and you got shot!"   
He chuckles sadly and rocks them back and forth slowly.   
"You must be crazy if you think I'm doing any better. We just show emotions differently. I can hardly sleep because every time I do I keep having a nightmare where I didn't...where I failed to protect you."   
"Every time I close my eyes I see him." She whispers, and feels him nod.   
"It'll be like that for quite a while, but eventually, you'll stop having bad dreams. It'll get better."   
She pulls away, wiping her eyes, and scoffs.   
"How would you know? I don't know about you but I've never seen a dead body before!" She combs a hand through her hair and exhales shakily.   
Alf smiles, just a little sad one, and lifts his hand, running his knuckle down the scar on his cheek.   
"Trust me when I say I know."   
The message is clear. Alf's eyes are empty, and he looks away from her as Harry walks back inside, notices right away that they both have wet eyes, with Louis sporting tear stained cheeks.   
"Let's get out of this house." Harry says, then embraces them into a group hug. With both of their arms around her, Louis feels like she might just survive this. 

 

It doesn't take forever before Louis starts to feel normal again, and she doesn't really realise that she's feeling a bit better until a month later, after the last box is unpacked at the new house. At Harry's request, Alf has his own bedroom for when Harry is away. Even if just for a day, Harry has requested that Alf be there. He agreed, of course.   
Anyways, a month after, when the last box is unpacked, Louis collapses on the bed with a big exhale, feeling a good bit relieved that she won't have to do any more unpacking.   
Harry steps into the room soon after, then leans over her to give her a kiss.   
It gets dirty quick, and it doesn't take long until Harry's hand trails down and palms her through her sweats.   
"S-stop." She gasps, and Harry immediately does, lips swollen, eyes wide. They haven't done anything but a sex Skype since before Harry left for tour. It feels like years ago when in reality it was two and a half months.   
"You okay?" He asks, "did I do something wrong?"   
She doesn't answer at first, pressing her fists into her eyes.   
"I just...I can't."   
"You've hardly kissed me since I got back." He says, voice with a hurt tilt to it. He stands from the bed and sits next to her instead, placing a hand on her shoulder when she sits up as well.   
"I know..." she has no excuses. She doesn't know why she can't do anything anymore. She guesses it probably a mix of a few different things, so that's what she tells him.   
"I just, I still have nightmares. And the people online are saying that I'm faking for attention, and I don't even know what I am faking because I don't know what I'm doing, and I can't get myself excited for you because I'm tired of this fucking prick attached to me and I don't think I can do it anymore."   
Harry's eyebrows are furrowed. He runs a hand through his hair.   
"You don't think you can do what?"   
It's quiet for a few minutes.   
"This..." Louis finally says, motioning between them, and Harry's hand slips away from her shoulder.   
"Louis...a-are you saying you want a divorce?" Harry's voice cracks on the word, and Louis takes a deep breath.   
"I don't know. Maybe like, a break? I just, my thoughts are all over the place."   
Harry stands up and starts to pace a bit.  
"This isn't happening...I--Lou, why didn't you tell me?"   
"I didn't want to have to, I was hoping you'd just know." She shrugs, and Harry let's out a watery laugh, the one that he does when he's pissed off but also on the verge of tears.   
"God, I can't read your mind! How long have you wanted to stop having a dick?"   
"Years." She murmurs, and Harry runs a hand through his hair again. It's his nervous habit.   
"You could've told me. Just--I think you're just really emotional right now. We don't need a break, Lou." He kneels down in front of her, kisses her gently.   
"Don't you still feel it?" He asks, very quietly, almost looking like he doesn't want an answer.   
"I can't feel anything."   
Harry stands up so roughly that he trips a bit, knocking over their lamp. He curses and kicks it, causing Louis to flinch in surprise.   
"I knew something was wrong. I thought it was just the fame getting in the way making you tired and that's why you weren't enjoying sex as much in the last year." He shakes his head at himself, almost like he's telling himself that he was stupid.   
"I'm sorry. I was scared you wouldn't be attracted to me anymore, and then I started to question my feelings, and then the shooting happened--"  
"God, Louis." Harry says, and its bitter. It's angry. Louis tries to breath steadily.   
"Well sorry...I've been going through a lot lately. I just need a break."   
"Yeah, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I cancelled my tour, causing thousands of refunds and angry girls sending me death threats so I could be here for you. I'm sorry that I've spent all these years hiding your secret and protecting you all this time because I care about you. I'm sorry that you didn't just simply talk to me so you could've gotten your surgery years ago, seeing as I fucking love you no matter what's in your pants. I'm so sorry I've been here all this time for you just so you could say you need a break."   
Louis crosses her arms and stands up, shaking her head.   
"I didn't make you do any of that! You could've stopped any time!"   
"I could've stopped supporting my wife any time? When you married me, did you know you'd eventually leave me for something that's not my fault?" His hands are clenching and unclenching at his sides. He's definitely pissed.   
She doesn't answer. She doesn't want to. She remembers thinking about the surgery far before Harry proposed. She remembers sort of thinking her and Harry wouldn't last long once he found out she wanted it. Did she? Did she get into this marriage with the mindset that it wouldn't last?   
Harry takes her silence as a yes, and then he laughs, the meanest sound Louis has ever heard.   
"I can't believe this. Here I am thinking about children and you're here waiting for the perfect excuse to leave me."   
Louis shakes her head, eyebrows furrowing.   
"What do you mean, excuse?"   
"This shooting thing. I wondered why you were milking it so much, and now I realise that you just needed an excuse to leave."   
"Milking it? Says you, who started a charity for shooting victims. Sounds like the perfect opportunity to distract people from the fact that your band is falling apart!" Her eyes are welling up. She doesn't even remember how this argument started. She kind of just wants to go to bed.   
"The band is perfectly fine!" Harry cries, eyes wild. So they are yelling now.   
"Face it, Harry, the songs are getting sort of basic. Plus, you aren't a kid anymore. Your voice is going out a bit." None of it is true, of course, but Louis has never been a patient person, nor has she ever backed down from an argument. She's too stubborn for that.   
"At least I'm not using the shooting to get more attention! Alf is the one who got shot! And he's working hard. He's fine. And then there's you, crying and bitching and breaking up with your husband because you saw a dead guy. Jesus, can you just man up already?!"   
The room falls deathly silent, and they just look at each other. Louis can feel her eyes welling up. Harry gulps and shakes his head.   
"Louis...I didn't--"  
"Just stop. I think it's perfectly clear how we feel about each other. I'm gonna just..." she stands up, not bothering to grab anything but her keys and shoes as she walks to the door.   
Harry does nothing to stop her. 

 

Alf opens the door not even twenty seconds after she knocks.   
"Louis? What--"  
Louis doesn't know what makes her do it, but she does it. She puts her hands on his shoulders and leans up on her tip toes, pressing her lips to his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I am so sorry. It's almost 7AM and I am sad and I haven't slept a wink in 48 hours pls forgive me after this book is over I'm probs gonna legit delete it and start all over bc idk what the hell ive turned it into.


	7. seven

Alf responds to the kiss instantly, pulling her to him with fists clutched in her shirt. She pushes him into the room, hearing the door swing shut behind her. Alf presses her against the door once it shuts , kissing her deeply, then he suddenly pulls away.   
His eyes are wide and his lips are pink, along with a nice blush to his cheeks.   
"Wait--Louis, what?" He stammers a bit.   
"No talking." Louis says, and kisses him again. He hums and lets her push him into the living room, where she pushes him down onto the couch, then crawls onto him, cradling his thighs.   
"But Harry--"  
"It's over." She says, and Alf stops her from kissing him again with a hand on her shoulder.   
"What?" He asks, eyebrows furrowed, and Louis shakes his hand from her shoulder.   
"Let's talk later." She says, then kisses him again. When he tries to talk again, she presses her crotch down against his, and he gasps into her mouth. She continues to do it as Alf starts to kiss down her throat, then latches onto her collarbone and bites, sure to leave a mark.   
Louis moans and starts to unbuckle his belt, but then Alf is grabbing at her wrists, stilling her. He presses his forehead against hers, eyes squeezed shut like he's in pain.   
"We can't, Louis." He says, and Louis whines and tries to pull her hands away, but Alf just continues to hold her. He pulls his head away from hers.   
"Don't you want me?" She asks, looking at him under her eyelashes, and Alf looks like he's sweating, and she notices that he bites the inside of his cheek before answering.   
"God yes. More than anything. But I'm not Harry. Just because you're mad at him doesn't mean you need to cheat."   
Louis stops trying to pull her hands away and just looks at him.   
"How do you know I'm mad at him?"   
"I've spent everyday with you for years. I know you a good bit by now."   
Louis looks down at her lap, her fringe falling in front of her eyes.   
"Why not just ignore that and do it anyways? I know you want it." She says, nearly pouting.   
Alf shakes his head and lets go of her wrists, reaching up to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear.   
"Of course I want it. I want you more than anything. I have for years. But more than that, I want you happy, and I could never make you feel the same Harry does. He's your soulmate, and I could never stand in the way of that."   
"Why not?" Louis whispers, eyes welling up. The anger is wearing off quick, leaving just her emotions.   
"Because I love you." He whispers just as quiet.   
Louis starts to cry, wishing she could do that less than she does. She curls up into Alf's chest and cries, and he just holds her.   
"He said such mean things...he told me to man up." She hiccups, and Alf runs gentle hands up and down her back.   
"Do you want to stay the night? I'll sleep on the couch, of course. You can sleep on it then go home tomorrow."   
Louis nods into his neck.   
"I don't deserve you in my life. You're too good." She says, and feels him smile against her hair. 

 

She stands at the entrance to the house, and wonders if Harry will still love her now that he knows she wants the surgery. He does say things he doesn't mean when he's mad. Maybe that comment wasn't true either?  
She takes a deep breath and opens the door, walking through the house until she eventually finds him, sat in the extra room that's being used for storage, but they both know it'll end up a nursery.   
He's sitting at the window, one of those kinds where there's a seat on the ledge. It's quite pretty. He's got a throw on his shoulders, and he doesn't look all the way at her when she stands in the doorway, but he does turn a bit, looking at the wall to her left.   
"I'm sorry." She says, arms crossed over her stomach. It's kind of cold in the room, and she shivers a bit, wishes she were wearing more than shorts.   
"I'm the one who's sorry. What I said..." he rubs at his eyes. He looks tired. She can tell he didn't get any sleep just like she didn't.   
"I...I went to Alf's. I um--"  
"I know. You don't have to say it. He called me last night and told me everything." Harry finally looks at her, eyes giving her a once over before eventually stopping at her collarbone. She wishes she had worn a hoodie or something instead of her low swooped shirt from yesterday. The lovebite is plainly obvious. Her hands twitch like they want to cover it up, but she resists the urge. She watches him watch her instead.   
"Are you mad?" She asks, and he runs a hand through his hair.   
"Yes. I'm beyond pissed. Not only at the fact that you ran off and cheated on me, but also at everything you said last night. I can't always read your mind, Louis. You have to talk to me or this will never work. Don't you know that by now? We've been together far too long for this to happen. You should've told me you wanted the surgery the moment the thought came to you. It's unfair that you got angry at me for not knowing already."  
She nods, curling her toes into the carpet below her. She can feel herself blushing, beyond ashamed.   
"I thought you wouldn't want me anymore."  
"I told you when we first met that I didn't care." Harry throws his hands up in the air like she should remember that.   
"Do you...do you want a divorce?"   
Harry pulls his knees to his chest and looks back at the wall. He looks so sad. Louis wants to die for causing that.   
"Do you?"  
"I asked first." Louis says before she can help it. She's always had a problem with speaking before thinking it through. Harry shakes his head and his lip twitches up just the slightest bit, like he knows she didn't mean to be sassy.   
"No. I don't want a divorce. I spent all night in our future nursery wishing I wouldn't have let you leave the house. Of course I don't want a divorce."   
"I don't either. Alf was right. Nobody else makes me feel like you do. But I...I understand if you want a break or something. Because of what I did."   
Harry suddenly stands up and walks over to her, not touching her but just looking at her.   
"I should. I should want a break. I should be so pissed that I smash your favourite things or something. But Alf and I talked for two hours last night about well, everything, and he's a good guy. Besides, it's hard to be pissed when I haven't touched you in nearly three months and all I want is to fuck you right here in what will eventually be our kids room."   
Louis didn't expect that. Actually, that's the last thing she expected. She bites her lip and reaches out for him. He pulls her close, and they hug for a bit. He's nice and warm. She loves him with everything she has.   
"I won't touch it, if you want." He says as they hug, and she holds him tighter.   
"That will be good." She says, and it's like a breath of fresh air. Harry never fails to do everything right.   
"I will still be pissed for quite a while though. My conversation with Alf last night doesn't change the fact that you cheated on me. I'll still be angry every now and then."  
"I know."  
Harry pulls back and kisses her, and even after all this time, it still makes her heart skip. She kisses him back feverishly. It goes like that for a bit until they are both hard. Harry pulls back and they are both breathing heavily.   
"Hold on." He says, leaving the room. Louis stays against the wall, trying to get less excited. It only seems like seconds until Harry's back, and he kisses her again then pulls her down to the floor with him. She crawls on top of him and yanks down his pjs, finding he's not wearing pants underneath. She pulls them down just to his ankles, not bothering to pull them all the way off, then she takes off her shorts and knickers. Harry watches her with teeth sunk into his lip.   
"Cheeky." She breaths, and he grins. She takes the lube from him that he got from the bedroom and coats her fingers, pressing two into herself from the get go. She doesn't want to waste time. She presses a third into herself not too long after.   
"Take your time, baby. Don't need to rush." He says, even though his eyes are super dilated and his cock is leaking. She raises an eyebrow and figures she's prepped enough. She crawls further up his body and coats him with lube, then leans down so he slips between her arse cheeks but not into her. Harry's hands are tight on her thighs, and his eyes flutter.   
"God--"  
"Just Louis is fine." She says, and before he can retort, she reaches behind herself and starts to sink down on him, feeling the stretch more than normal after their time apart.   
"Shit." Harry hisses, and his mouth drops open as she bottoms out. She can't believe he still is this turned on after doing this so many times.   
After the pain goes away, she starts to ride him in earnest, trying to find that perfect angle. Harry apparently gets impatient because then he's flipping them over, pulling her leg up, and starts to fuck her faster than she could have done riding him.   
She moans, back arching. She feels so close already, mostly because it's been a while for them.   
"I'm so close already." Harry pants, almost like he read her mind. Which, ha.   
"Me too. God, it's good, daddy." She says, knowing it'll drive him crazy.   
She didn't realise he'd just come, though. Like, as soon as she said it.  
They sit in silence for a few beats, before they both burst out laughing. Harry pulls out of her and blushes hard into her neck.   
"Didn't realise a few months apart would cause you to last as long as a 16 year old during his first time."   
"Not fair. Not only that, but you pulled my kink on me. You know that always gets me."   
They laugh again, and it's good. Harry finishes her off with his fingers and he gives her three lovebites to make up for the one Alf left.   
They aren't completely okay, but she knows they will make it just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: ohpleaselarry


End file.
